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Main | Week Thirty: Interconnected vi(g)nettes... »

Week Thirty One: Story about God's favorite who falls...


SETTING — A modern-day campaign office: two chairs and a desk.


AT RISE — JESUS sits behind the desk, rifling through some papers. JUDAS sits across the desk with a clipboard.

JUDAS: Okay, fine. But what about a gift shop?

JESUS: A gift shop.

JUDAS: Yeah, like, in the temple.

JESUS: You know I have very strong opinions about that.

JUDAS: So do I, believe me! There’s a lot of ways to show the big guy your love. Key chains, refrigerator magnets, tee shirts…

JESUS: You do remember that time I found a marketplace in the temple—…

JUDAS: You flipped some tables, yes.

JESUS: I flipped a great many tables. Why did I do that, Judas?

JUDAS: Commerce and religion and something. But that was other people. This would be our gift shop.

JESUS: Next.

JUDAS: Okay, well, I think you should come out strong against the gays.

JESUS: …Why?

JUDAS: Because homosexuality is an abomination?

JESUS: Did I say that? When did I say that?

JUDAS: I dunno. We just kind of inferred.

JESUS: I really never said that.

JUDAS: Okay. (beat) But it is, isn’t it?

JESUS: “Love thy neighbor…?” Are you actually listening when I speak or?

JUDAS: Well of course I listen! But what if your neighbor is a man who lies with another man and they do… man things… with each other?

JESUS: …Is he still your neighbor?

JUDAS: In that he lives near me?

JESUS: That’s what a neighbor is, yes.

JUDAS: Okay, but! Suppose he doesn’t live near me.

JESUS: …Is there anything else?

JUDAS: Jews. (JESUS just stares) Pretty awful, am I right? With their hairpieces and... funny words?

JESUS: For the love of—… I AM A JEW!

JUDAS: Maybe technically, but you’re not Jewish.

JESUS: I think you need to leave.

JUDAS (standing up to go): Alright, fine. But think about the gift shop. We’re still thirty silver short this quarter.

JESUS: God will provide.

JUDAS: Ha! That’s a good one. Seriously though: key chains. Think about it!

JUDAS leaves. JESUS bangs his head repeatedly on his desk.


Reader Comments (1)

This has that Mel Brooks feel to it; punchy and vivacious and au courant!

April 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVictoria Athena

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