How to Burn a Candle at Both Ends
1) Procure candle.
2) Using a blunt knife, unearth wick from bottom of candle.
3) Drive a fork into the center of candle.
4) Gripping handle, hold candle away from you and over covered surface, careful not to let hot wax drip onto your hand.
5) Procure blowtorch.
6) Pull the trigger. Hold it down until the pain is too much or the candle is nothing but one long charred wick; whichever comes first.
7) Apologize profusely.
8) Clean the mess you made.
9) Rest. Repeat.